The Birth....

I've debated for a few days now whether or not to post the full birth story on the blog, but I want to get it written down before my memories become foggy... this is not exactly the birth story we had anticipated, or the birth horror story first time moms want to hear about... but it's our story, and it started at 7 am on May 9th, 2013

We dropped the dog off at my parents house, and made our way up to McKay-Dee hospital... I got checked in and they sent my labs and started my IV just after 8:30 am

Then we waited, and waited some more....

All the while I could eat all the ice chips and suckers my little heart desired... (which was awesome for about 3 hours till lunch time rolled around, then I was wishing for a something a little more food- like)

Fast forward 12 hours... 

After a long day of waiting and contractions I asked for my epidural at 9 pm so I could get some rest, they also needed to put in internal monitors which meant I couldn't get out of bed anymore, so the epidural seemed fitting, although I really wanted to be dilated to a 4 or 5 before getting it....

 (at this point I was still dilated to a 1+, which I was for the whole week prior to going to the hospital...)

This is after my water broke- it was crazy, we could literally see my stomach shrinking down after losing so much fluid (I had extra fluid for the majority of my pregnancy)

Nice little contraction....

After feeling a lot of pressure I told Joel I really wanted the nurse to come check me again, although I had just been checked and was still at a 1+ ... so we called her in and I was hoping with all my heart and soul she would just say 2, or 1 and three quarters... anything but a 1+ .... and to our surprise, she told us she was pretty sure I was at a 6, but she wanted someone else to verify, so the charge nurse came in and checked, and confirmed that I really was at a 6 :) Best moment ever! A little over an hour later (around 4 am) I felt more pressure and asked to be checked again, and this time I was fully dilated

We don't really know what finally "clicked" and made me progress so fast, but I think some of it has to do with this nurse, she was awesome and super positive, she helped me get in a more confortable position, and she also changed my IV fluids to something with more sugar (which I was really grateful for even though I didn't feel much different)... 

Then came the pushing, the barfing, and the falling asleep between contractions...

Monitoring baby's heartbeat and my contactions... at this point our birth photographer had to leave, but our doctor was delivering a baby at another hospital and wouldn't be there for another 20 minutes or so...

Right before the doctor got there, the nurse was having a little trouble picking up the heartbeat on the monitor but we assumed this was because she was so far down and already crowning... 

Once the doctor got there I only had to push once to get our little girl delivered, it was not at all what I was expecting... It wasn't anything like the movies, there was no screaming or yelling mean things at Joel.. just a big push and there she was...
Brinley Farr
Born May 10th, 2013 at 8:12 am
7 lbs 9 oz, 19 inches 

Joel cutting the cord... it was right at this moment I knew something was wrong... Brinley wasn't breathing, or moving, and she was colorless... within seconds the whole NICU code team was in our delivery room resuscitating our baby girl, while Joel and I sat helplessly watching... at some point she was not getting enough oxygen, the cord was not wrapped around her neck, and she didn't show any real signs of stress during my labor...so we were caught off guard... after about 10 minutes they took Brinley to the NICU with Joel following behind.

 I have always had so much respect and compassion for the parents of the babies I take care of in the NICU, but in this moment I gained a deeper understanding of what they all went through at some point.... their precious baby was taken away from them and they were left all alone... I also was flooded with tremendous guilt (something I didn't understand when moms would tell me), how could you feel guilty about something you have no control over? I can't explain it even now, but I can say I think understand what all these other moms were talking about now...

This is me meeting our baby girl for the first time, I am so glad Joel had the camera, because I have no memory of this moment... It makes me cry to think that I can't remember something so precious as this, but I'll always have this picture to remind me that I was there doing what I could as her mamma, holding her hand during all the commotion (although I'm 100% sure she was giving me more comfort than I was giving her)

Brinley's first kiss :) 

After she was resuscitated and breathing on her own, little Brinley was taken to the NICU to start a 72 hour journey of being "cooled", you can read more about it here (she was part of the CoolCap treatment) ... She was such a strong, brave girl during the entire process... One of the hardest parts for us was not being able to hold or really touch our baby for 4 days (I know many parents I work with don't get the opportunity to hold their babies for weeks or even months, and I can't even imagine what that would be like)... A lot happened in the NICU, and her stay there is another story, that I'm saving just for her... but we feel very blessed and fortunate that she was born when she was, and where she was, because our story might have had a very different outcome if it weren't for the knowledgable, dedicated staff at the hospital... 

After 4 years of trying to conceive, 13 weeks of bedrest, 23 hours of labor, and a week in the NICU we were able to take our happy, healthy, chubby-cheeked, beautiful miracle home with us.... 

I still can't believe she is ours